i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
