my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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