And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Is it penis luge time yet?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
