You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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