STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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