I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
