just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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