What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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