so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
