Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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