Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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