im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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