I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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