You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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