Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
