we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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