omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
