Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
