she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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