my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
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