Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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