Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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