you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
