do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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