Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
