Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
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