I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
