We're like a lot better than the average bears
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
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