When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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