Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
