that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
