Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
