Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
