omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
