We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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