There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
