Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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