i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
