After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
