Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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