i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
