My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
