He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
