i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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