so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
