We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
