have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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