If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
