I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
