We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
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