Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
