We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
