My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
