i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
